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I found this on Craigslist in the bike section. It was flagged and deleted most times. But it is very funny, and TRUE!!!

Subject: TO ALL BIKE SELLERS!!!

PLEASE NOTE: This probably doesn’t apply to you. But some of you that are selling need to have a good look.

1. Just because your bike was made in Europe or Japan doesn’t mean you’ve automatically got a winner. They made a lot of junk, too.
2. A low end bike that was $97.00 in 1976 is not magically worth $400 now with a flip flop rear wheel on it.
3. Adult bikes do not have goosenecks.
4. If the chain is conspicuously rusty and kinked in the picture, nobody is going to fall for your claims of “mint condition”.
5. If you get asked how many speeds it has and do not know nor care, time to take down your ad. Immediately.
6. Telling us that you found it in a barn is not a rationale for overpricing it.
7. Take OFF the $10 price tag from Goodwill before you take your Craigslist picture and ask $250 for it.
8. “Light and FAST!” . . . Ok, if you say so. It’s the engine, not the bike.
9. Not everything with those curvy handlebars is a race bike.
10. Neither is a race bike “improved” by flipping those curvy handlebars upside down.
11. Don’t be offended if someone offers you an insulting amount that is far less than you want for your bike – they’re just smarter than you.
12. Don’t get ticked off if someone low-balls you when you state “make offer” in your ad. You asked for it.
13. Tires are tires and wheels are wheels. These terms are not interchangeable.
14. Breaks should be referred to as “brakes”, petles or petals as “pedals”.
15. Your bike was not made by Shimano, Suntour, or Campagnolo. I know you saw that name somewhere on it, but just trust me on this one.
16. Vintage implies it was worth something when it was new, otherwise it’s just OLD.
17. High tensile steel – yeah, they put a sticker on the bike that says it but I wouldn’t be bragging about it.
18. Go ahead and repost that 10 speed Huffy every week – no one will tire of its charm. If you’re willing to endure the humiliation, we’ll be there for you until you reach your target market.
19. ALL CAPS DOES NOT MAKE IT A BETTER BIKE.
20. Pictures of the LEFT side of the bike aren’t worth much of anything, nobody can see the drivetrain. All things considered, perhaps you’d rather want to hide it anyway.
21. Blurry pictures add a negative symbol to your price tag.
22. If you steal someone else’s photos (not the manufacturer’s) from the web and use them to represent your own bike, you are absolute scum.
23. “Suitable for fixie conversion” doesn’t make a POS frame any more valuable.
24. If you think your bicycle is worth a four figure sum ($x,xxx), the LEAST you could do is to spell the brand and component names correctly. (eg. Trek, not treck; Schwinn, not shwin; Campagnolo, not Campagnola; and Shimano – not shmano, shimono, or shamano)
25. Include the size of the bicycle! Measured from the center of the cranks (the big sprocket) to the top of the seat tube (before the silver or black post that holds the seat [saddle].) It needs to be in either inches or centimeters… both if you are nice.
26. NEXT, Magna, Huffy, Roadmaster, and Murray are NOT highly-respected brands….no matter how high end the Walmart is. Get over it.
27. Taking a nice multispeed road bike that was posted here two days ago for a reasonable price, raping it of all good derailleur parts, and making it a single speed with a $22 Chinese bmx cog from performancebike.com does not double or triple its value or make it a “race bike” or “fixie”.
28. There is no such thing as a road mountain bike.
29. Just because you are selling it for a friend doesn’t make you an expert. It just shows you know how to navigate CL
30. If you don’t list the brand and it is unreadable in the photos, we will assume it is a POS.
31. Research the going price of your bike before posting. You’ll get a lot more bites if you’re reasonable.
32. Just because it cost a lot 10 years ago when it was brand new and you have barely rode it, doesn’t mean it is worth 50% + of new price. (see above.)
33. Just because you bought it within the past year doesn’t mean someone is going to pay close to what you paid, especially if the new model years are coming out and yours is now discounted.
34. Don’t use terms you do not understand – if it does not have rear suspension, it is not full suspension.
35. Spel lcheck is your friend, use it.
36. Proofread – I have never seen a bike measured in feet but I’ve seen a lot of 26′ bikes posted.
37. If it is an X-mart bike, and you just paid to have it “tuned up”, you probably just wasted your money as the tune up was probably more than the bike is worth.
38. No one wants to call for pictures or basic information that should’ve been posted in the original ad.
39. Don’t sell a used helmet unless you really did just buy it, otherwise it may have been crashed and is a safety hazard.
40. Chrome Schwinn Paramounts are not “rare.” Desired by collectors, perhaps; but there’s at least one on eBay every week, if not two.

I ordered the adaptor for my older Trek 1000 that will convert it from a quill type stem to a threadless type stem. Having it use a threadless stem will open up the opportunities to get my bike fitted. In order to remove the quill stem from the old handlebars, I will need to strip at least half of the handle bar tape. I already have some black handlebar tape at home, but I may go buy another roll of something wilder looking than straight black. Something with a pattern. I will also need to remove on of the brake levers as well to get the quill stem off.
I was thinking last night that since I am going to be doing all this, maybe I will go ahead and swap out the handlebars all together. I have another set of handlebars on my homemade cyclocross bike. They are a new style and look nicer anyway. I was planning on parting out the cross bike anyway. I will have to double check that the handlebars will fit the stem I already have. I think they will.
New style stem, new style handlebars, and new handlebar tape will update the look of the bike. Then I can get it fitted as well. This will breathe new life into my old bike. Wish I have brifters. Brifters probably would work with my older 7 speed free wheel. I would probably need an 8, 9 or 10 speed cassette. Which would mean buying a new wheel. And I would need a new derailleur, and chain, and then probably new front rings, and maybe derailleur. All this assumes the new wheel would fit in my older frame.
I guess I will just be happy to have my older bike fit better. I have no problem with shifters on the downtube.

Here is a video on how to install a threadless stem adaptor.

I have been playing with the idea of getting my old Trek 1000 fitted for me. My Jamis Comet has been pretty comfortable to ride for long distances. But I know my weight is not distributed properly on my Trek 1000.
But the Trek is an older bike (1990 model year) and has a quill stem. But it’s a solid bike with an aluminum frame. Yeah, it only has a 7 cog freewheel, and the shifters are on the downtube. But that is fine. I I can get it fitted, I will still be fine to ride, as opposed to spending $1000 on a new bike. Actually, I might be able to find one on sale for $600. But still.
Anyway, I decided to order a threadless stem adapter. I got it for about $15 including shipping. It’s made by Profile Design.
It seats down into the threaded steerer tube like the quill stem. But the top is like a threadless steerer tube. This way I will be able to use a wide variety of stems. Once I get the threadless stem adapter, and get it installed, I will check into getting a fitting. I will check out a couple different places than where I got my previous fitting.
Installation will be a pain. I will have to remove the handlebar tape to remove the old quill stem. Or I could just cut it off. But I’d to destroy it, in case I want to keep it. But I can always buy some new fancy handlebar tape with a funky design. It will be fun. :)

Continued from Part 2

Next came the section around Conesus Lake which is one of the Finger Lakes. It was about 10 miles from Lakeville to the south end of the lake. This was on the east side of the lake. This stretch was hard. The road surface was poor. The road went up and down. Not enough to be rolling hills, but enough to find it hard to get a rhythm going. As I got to the end of this road, I saw the arrow said left turn. I got around the corner and stopped. I pulled out my map. I knew I was supposed to take a right at the south end of the lake. Maybe the road went left, and then continued south farther. That didn’t make sense. I read write up, and found I was supposed to turn right, not left. I rode back, looked at the arrow, and sure enough, it was a right arrow, but some over spray at glance made it look like a left arrow.

I rode to the next rest stop which was at about 70.5 miles, and stopped for a few. There was a girl with a cowbell. I pointed out the “I Gotta Have More Cowbell” on the back of my LVM21 jersey. I got her to take a picture of me holding the cow bell. More Cow Bell!

2009 Tour De Cure

I started riding north on the west side of the lake. The road surface was better. It was defiantly more up and down. Pretty soon I was back at the rest stop in Lakeville which was now about the 79.6 mile mark. I stopped at the gas station and got another Pepsi. I ate the second half of my club wrap. I also got another bowl of the macaroni salad. I also used the rest room here. It was the rest room in the fire station, and not a porta potty.
The guy with the Cervelo P2C was here as well. I left the rest stop with him and some other guys.
I talked to the tri guy for a bit. He was training for the Lake Placid Ironman which he had done multiple times. He had an M-Dot Ironman logo tattoo on his leg. He had also done the Boston Marathon multiple times and does about 7 or 8 marathons a year. He told me about how he got his Cervelo P2C on eBay for $1300. Sweet! Awesome deal! I rode with these guys for a while. I even joined their pace line for a bit. But it was very yo yo for me. Because at times I would coast, and would be going faster than they would be going, so I would coast up along side of them till they caught up, and I would fall back in. After the next major turn, I passed them, and lost them for a while.
The next rest stop was in Lima at the 89.7 mile mark. There was a sweet downhill section coming down into Lima. I was down on my aerobars, and coasted past some road bikes. There was a white arrow indicating a left turn here I was getting ready to fly around the corner till I saw the rest stop. I slammed on my brakes and skidded to a stop. I rested my bike against the wall. There were a couple kids staring at my bike. Their father said they had never seen a bike with 4 handlebars before. The guys I had lost had caught up with me. I pointed out the Cervelo P2C to the kids and said it was a way cooler bike than mine. I didn’t stay at this stop for more than a couple minutes. I left this stop with the guys again. We rode north to Honeoye Falls. As we passed through town, I spotted a dog on the side of the road. I asked one of the guys if he wanted to race it. He said he wanted to tie a leash to it, and have it pull him to the park. I asked if he had every seen American Flyers. He said he loved that movie. I yelled out “Hey Eddie, you coming”. Him and another guy right on cue, quoted a few lines from that scene of the movie. It was hilarious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfv2diohUXE
There was a nice down hill section that I coasted down at over 40 mph. I lost the guys again. The hills in the last 10 miles were bigger than much of the rest of the course. But my legs were actually feeling stronger now. I was catching and passing more people now. Then there was the turn into the park. There was a guy on a road bike ahead of me. I was slowly catching him. There were a few little ups and downs. A truck passed me. Then we hit a downhill. I got down on the aerobars, and flew by the truck to come up behind the other rider. I passed him on the next uphill. There was another rider up ahead. I wanted to see if I could catch him before the finish. There were rolling hills with more up than down. I closed the distance, and then passed him to. Then there was the turn into parking lot. It was a downhill. There was another guy just ahead of me. There were signs saying slow down. Screw that. I was down on the aerobars, and flew passed this last guy, and skidded to a stop at the finish. I finished the ride in 6 hours and 55 minutes. Only about 5 hours and 45 minutes were actually on the bike. I finished faster than I did last year which was cool.
I parked my bike against a tree and made my way up to get food. Lunch was served by the Outback restaurant. I got a Caesar salad and a small steak. Yum!
I hadn’t gotten a t-shirt when I signed in, so I went back to the tent and managed to get one. I also signed up for a massage. The ladies there were funny, oohhing and ahhing over the couple of us who had done 100 miles. The massage loosened up my neck. They had a Rolling Stones tribute band playing. I watch them for a few, and then went and loaded up my car. As I was putting stuff a away, another rider was walking passed with his bike and friends/family. One of the people said “hey look, a hill!” The cycling commented “I hate hills”. I yelled over “Hills are our friends” and laughed.
I went home and took a nap. I kept thinking what it would be like to ride another 12 miles, and then to run a marathon. Hmmm… I guess I will find out less than three months.

Thank you again to my sponsors!

Continued from Part 1

Around mile 30 I was along with a group of about half a dozen guys, including a guy on a Cervelo P2C tri bike. There weren’t a lot of tri-bikes out here. I wasn’t really part of their pace line, but was hanging with em. There also a guy on a hybrid or possibly a 29 inch mountain bike. He would stand on the pedals and crank away at regular intervals. Man, that would be brutal to try to ride like that for 100 miles! Around mile 33 I saw a big sign saying Tour De Cure with an arrow. The group I was with kept going straight. I slowed and stopped trying to figure out if I was supposed to have turned. I saw a white arrow on the ground saying go straight, so I continued on. I figured out that must have been a rest stop back there. I was quite a ways back from the group now. I made no attempt to catch them. I had already planned not to try to keep up with the groups this year. Just to ride my own ride. I won’t be able to ride in a pace line at the Ironman.

2009 Tour De Cure

I ended up catching and passing the hybrid/29’er rider. He was still cranking away. I also caught and passed more single road bike riders. This would become a regular occurrence. I am guessing they were cruising along as part of groups. But when they got dropped, they were easy pickings for me. Not that this was a race.
As I approached Geneseo, there were some confusing road markings. There were some spray painted arrow indicating a left turn. But as I got to the road, there was an arrow saying go straight. Huh? Another rider had gone straight, so I continued on. There was a real left turn not far up, and we rode up a fairly steep grade through a college. I actually had to stand on the pedals. I had already ridden 40 miles, so this was work. There was a photographer here snapping our pictures. We got up farther onto a main road through the town. I was disoriented, and stopped another rider. I asked is we were still on the course, or if we had missed a turn. I knew the 100 mile course crosses itself at one point. He showed me a map, and then I knew where we were. We took off, and I passed him.
I stopped at the next rest stop which was at mile 43.7. More bananas and granola bars. I made a comment about rabbit food and asked about sandwiches. I told there would be sandwiches as the next rest stop which was in Lakeville. I got one of the ambulance guys to get a picture of me with my bike. I ate a banana and I got back on my bike, and started pedaling. I caught up with the guy who had showed me his map. I rode with him for a few talking, then I took off. My butt was sore and numb at the same time. I would shift my butt on the seat so I was sitting on different spots. This helped a little.

2009 Tour De Cure

2009 Tour De Cure

The next rest stop was in Avon, and not the Lakeville one with sandwiches. I ate a banana and a couple granola bars. I also used the porta potty. I picked up a map of the 100 mile route here. This rest stop was interesting as there were tons of people on hybrids, and a couple on a tandem. Many of these people didn’t even look very athletic. I felt a little embarrassed that all these people were ahead of me or catching up to me on my tri-bike. Until I figured out these people were from the shorter courses. Some of the courses had merged, and shared this rest stop. Okay, I didn’t feel bad anymore.
I passed a few more people on the next long stretch. I was slowly catching one guy. Then there was a down hill stretch, and a following up hill. I swooped passed him on the downhill, and began climbing. A little while later, I turned, and he was nowhere in sight.
Coming into Lakeville was a long downhill stretch. I got down on my aerobars and was able to coast for maybe half a mile or more. That was cool. Yes, this stop had sandwiches! I ate half a club wrap (cold), a bowl of macaroni salad, and some cookie dough bites. I shoved the rest of the sandwich into my pocket. I didn’t like the blue Gatorade. I rode across the street to a gas station and bought a Pepsi and filled my bottle with that. My knees were a little sore. Mostly my right one. I took a couple ibuprofen.

Continued in Part 3

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